After reading a story this morning about the backlash Ariel Winter received by posting a photo of her grad on Instagram, my initial thought was "whoa boobs...that's a little much". After a few seconds, the feminist side of me kicked in and thought: why am I so offended by boobs?
If my daughters were Ariel Winter...would my initial response be different? I thought about this for awhile and came to this conclusion: I'm only offended because of my own insecurities. I would love to wear a dress like Winter's in the picture, but I am not confident enough in myself to do so. I have this thing (which I'm pretty sure most of our society has) that has to do with me caring what other people think of me and acting accordingly. I mean, I always wanted to do cheer, but I was embarassed that I would be the biggest one on the squad if I tried out. I was worried what other people would think of me if I were to stand out. I let my perception of others cloud my securities in myself. My confidence took a plunge. Even at my smallest, I would dress more conservatively as not to draw attention to myself and my badass curves. I didn't want people to think I looked "slutty" or that I was "asking for it" or "craving attention".
So. Here we are, 3 kids and like 65 lbs later. You would think that I would be as insecure as ever; right!? Well, not the case.
After dealing with an asshole of a husband, single momming it for over a year with 3 kids under 2.5 (2 year old and 4 month old twins), and figuring out why I could ever end up in an abusive relationship, I found the key to everything...and I thank my counselor and myself for that.
See, I never took myself seriously. I never valued myself. I never did what I wanted to do, to the extent I wanted, for fear of the judgement I would receive from others. Here's the thing: I was only afraid of my own judgement of myself. Sure, others would judge me...but if I were truly secure and confident with myself, I wouldn't give a fuck. Like seriously, I don't give a shit.
Here's how all this fits into the Winter pic.
She is celebrating her grad.
She is wearing something she feels great in.
She is confident enough to wear what makes her happy and comfortable.
WE are judging her because we are insecure about ourselves (and because it's easy to slam people on the internet without having to face them in person).
WE, the cruel judges, are also the people who never are honest with ourselves...because if we were, we wouldn't be slamming anyone over what they wear.
WE live in a sexist society. Straight up. She is not dressing like a slut, nor is she "asking for it".
What the fuck is that people? Like seriously...no matter what ANYONE wears (MAN OR WOMAN), NO ONE should ever feel the fear that they are "asking for it". A rapist is a rapist...they are rapists. None of their victims were asking for it. NOT ONE. Clothes do not define or justify someone physically invading your personal boundaries. Nothing justifies it. Nothing. Again, a rapist is a rapist. Clothes do not encourage "asking for it"...because NO ONE ASKS FOR IT.
Also, the age thing. Just because she's 18 automatically allows her to wear whatever she wants!? Umm no. I will raise my daughters to know that they can wear whatever they please. Whatever they feel confident in. No, they won't be dressing slutty,or "asking for it". They will simply be confident in themselves. No one slut shames men for walking around without shirts on during the summer.
So why women? Why!? Well...we have a long history of misogyny in America. White men (historically white...now it seems like any ethnicity) place women into these roles of how we should act, behave, work, learn, dress, live, talk, and think. We women fall for this...mostly due to our upbringings or shortcomings. It's a battle...but we as women need to come together to raise both girls and boys to respect each gender. We need to leave the slut shaming behind us, otherwise nothing will ever change and hate will grow.
So, moral of story folks: leave the girl alone. She was celebrating her grad party. She's 18 and stoked about the next chapter in her life. So...before you get all outraged and call her a slut, or accuse her of asking for RAPE (which is what "it" means), think about yourself. What it comes down to is your own insecurities. Check into that and figure out what else triggers your insecurities. If you have kids, raise them to be confident in themselves. Raise them with love, not hate. Insecurities are just ways that we hate ourselves. Teach your kiddos, and even yourself to love. If you love yourself, I guarantee that your world will start to look like a much happier place and your insecurities will start to melt away. On a final note: your insecurities will influence young, confident women like Miss Ariel Winter. Because when you judge and slut shame her, you are in turn feeding into judging and slut shaming the entire female gender...and we need more confident women in this world.
💜❤💚💙
