Now you're just somebody that I used to know

I have always felt that I had a nice smile, and an overall welcoming face. However, after comparing pictures from Facebook from the year 2013 and the year 2016, there are major differences. In an abused person, you can find 3 common symptoms. The first is the smile; the smile is forced and very unnatural.  Second is the pose: the pose of the head and body is stiff, almost as if the person were trying to give off the impression that everything is alright. The third and most important sign of abuse is the light in the eyes. In a normal happy person, you can see light in their eyes and life in their face. In an abused person, everything is dark and mysterious...like an empty soul, or a human is default robot mode. I suppose that's what happens when you're living in constant fear and stress. Eventually the abuser drains you of any emotions you ever had. You become numb to everything and anything. You lose friends, distance yourself from family and those closest to you, and pray that no one will find out, all While you pray that somehow the right person will find out and help you get away from your hell on earth. Anyway, my photos are quite obvious. Check them out. If you see this in yourself, or feel like you're always in default mode, something needs to change. You deserve a happy life and healthy relationships. I hope this for any of you-because life is short and you only get one time around. I did it for my kids...and I'm so thankful that I was able to break the cycle for them. I have saved them a lifetime of heartache and abuse by simply leaving their biological father. Interesting ending to this...my abusive ex has a girlfriend. I decided to unblock her on Facebook because she needs to know that she can still get out, so I leave most of my DV posts at a public setting as a hopeful encouragement for her.  I am not the first woman my ex had abused, and I can guarantee that I wasn't the last. Anyway, I saw her photos on Facebook...and my heart sank. I saw myself in her (even though we look nothing alike); I saw the 3 symptoms. Mainly, I saw an empty soul in her pictures and it made me so compassionate for her, and feel SO entirely helpless all at the same time. I hate that there's nothing I can do to help her. She is stuck with him until she leaves, because as long as she allows him to suck every ounce of life from her, he's never going to let her go. He is perfectly content with making her life hell.  Anyway, as much as she wants to believe I am jealous or hateful, or psycho (or whatever lovely lies him and his family spread); I honestly just feel sad for her and extemely disappointed that there is absolutely nothing I can do to help her.  Even if I were to send her the conversations I have had with another of his "psycho ex girlfriends" (as he likes to put it...because we're all just crazy), she wouldn't leave with just that. Proof of verbal, psychological, and physical abuse from two exes. In fact, Allan is probably SO in her head at this point that she would allow herself to twist the situation around and DEFEND HIM. That's what I used to do...well, the robot version of me. She's probably like me: deep down inside she knows we're right but is so stuck in his fucking mind games that it seems easier to just stay put. Still, the little voice of freedom cries out.........
Anyway, I am hoping that somehow something happens because I'm honestly torn right now. This is a terrible spot to be in. If I do something, I could be helping her while also putting myself in danger. If I don't do something and he ends up seriously hurting her or even killing her (just based on what I have experienced...I can only imagine it keeps getting worse with each girlfriend; that's the trend so far), I would feel so responsible. I mean I know there's ultimately nothing I can do to help her get out, but I know for myself it was the stories of the survivors and victims of DV that helped me. I'm between a rock and a hard place. I wish I would have heard from his ex a long time ago...but then again, would I have had more courage to leave? I honestly don't know who I was back then. It's the question of the night friends. Time is precious. Signing off....goodnight and good luck. 💜💜💜 Linds

Golden Lining

Earlier today, I found myself reading through an article about injuries from Domestic Violence incidents. I hate the word incident. It's not an incident; it's a planned and psychologically twisted cycle of manipulation and any type of abuse that seems fit. Whether it's financial, verbal, psychological, or physical...the abuser knows exactly what they're doing. It is by no means an "incident". An incident is when a child falls and scrapes their knee while playing, or when a branch falls off a tree onto a roof. Making someone feel as small and inferior as humanly possible, making someone constantly second guess everything they do, making someone loathe physical touch, making someone completely lose their own identity; now, that's abuse.

I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years and 8 months. The legal separation was thanks to a court ordered no contact order against my ex, Mr. Allan Springstead, exactly 4 years into the relationship...more so, 4 years into the sentencing. The extra 8 months was from Allan psychologically manipulating me...making me a victim once again to his psychotic games. I guess I have a hard time understanding why narcissists do what they do. I would never intentionally hurt someone; that is just sick. He would hurt me to make himself feel better. He would hurt my children to make me hurt, so that he would feel better. It wasn't always physical abuse either. Honestly, the physical abuse was terrible and I never realized how close to death I was multiple times; after losing consciousness from blows to my head, or from being strangled to the point of starting to black out. I never gave up though. I knew I had to stay alive for my kids...otherwise they would be in the same exact situation I was in 20 years down the road. I could handle the physical abuse like a champ. I am not proud that I can hold my own in a fight, but that's something you learn when you're constantly put in a survival mode situation. My mind is exhausted from being with Allan. I am constantly losing my train of thought, I have triggers everywhere that bring up old memories or feelings. My mind is constantly running, even when shut down. The fear never subsides. When someone puts your life below theirs on a daily basis, you get defensive. He basically dug my grave for me, beat the emotional and physical shit out of me so I couldn't escape, and I watched as he slowly dumped dirt over me. I knew if I could get the strength to just climb out, I'd be okay. I had doubted the escape...until I realized that my children were also in the grave with me. I wasn't just letting him kill me slowly; he was killing my children and their beautiful personalities. If you know anything about mothers, you are fully aware of momma bears.  I am for sure a momma bear. You mess with, or even look like you're going to mess with my kids and I will make your life a living hell. Sure, he would be there always as their biological father, but someone would hold him accountable for what he did to their mother, and I would be able to live knowing I had always done right by my kids. I finally started to see the light, and decided to escape that grave he had dug for me. I'm so glad to have escaped. I now have a second chance at life. My kids also have a second chance. That's all I can ask for.
I am now blogging here about experiences, feelings, readings, and basically treating this as a journal. On my facebook I post plenty of DV posts, but really want to have an impact on women who are stuck in their own graves, watching their abusers disregard their right to human life. I want them to see the light and let them know that they deserve to be loved and respected...and treated like a queen. There is true love out there. You will find someone who makes you feel like the luckiest woman in the world...you'll find a love that you thought only existed in Hollywood. Anyway, follow for more posts. I will post mostly at night...but the posts will be about anything and everything. In abusive relationships, you are always on a roller coaster of emotions, and that's how life stays after you're out of the relationship; so I plan on posting accordingly.
Since my hellish relationship, I've had time to figure out who I am, what I stand for, and what I want from life. I grow everyday, and still have my bad days occasionally. Luckily, from this entire experience, I have bevome the most confident version of myself. I live everyday knowing that I am who I am, and that's great. Anyone who thinks otherwise can honestly kiss my ass. Confidence and security with one's self is key to success in life;  it's what I want to instill in my kids. Luckily, I have met a man who treats me like a queen and he reminds me how necessary confidence is in life. I can be myself around him...even the self who is still figuring out her shit. He accepts me for me and encourages me to be who I am; because to him, I'm perfect the way I am.  I love that the kids see us together. We are happy, and the kids pick up on that. They also have an example of how adults communicate in a healthy and respectful way with one another. We solve problems and stick together. Kids need that in their lives. Healthy examples of relationships are SO important for developing minds. Anyway, enjoy the blog and please please please don't hesitate to leave if you've been thinking about it. Come up with a safety plan and call or visit your local Domestic Violence Services center. They are so helpful. But overall, please be safe and stay alive. Your life is worth it. ❤❤❤
Night y'all
💜Linds