Now you're just somebody that I used to know

I have always felt that I had a nice smile, and an overall welcoming face. However, after comparing pictures from Facebook from the year 2013 and the year 2016, there are major differences. In an abused person, you can find 3 common symptoms. The first is the smile; the smile is forced and very unnatural.  Second is the pose: the pose of the head and body is stiff, almost as if the person were trying to give off the impression that everything is alright. The third and most important sign of abuse is the light in the eyes. In a normal happy person, you can see light in their eyes and life in their face. In an abused person, everything is dark and mysterious...like an empty soul, or a human is default robot mode. I suppose that's what happens when you're living in constant fear and stress. Eventually the abuser drains you of any emotions you ever had. You become numb to everything and anything. You lose friends, distance yourself from family and those closest to you, and pray that no one will find out, all While you pray that somehow the right person will find out and help you get away from your hell on earth. Anyway, my photos are quite obvious. Check them out. If you see this in yourself, or feel like you're always in default mode, something needs to change. You deserve a happy life and healthy relationships. I hope this for any of you-because life is short and you only get one time around. I did it for my kids...and I'm so thankful that I was able to break the cycle for them. I have saved them a lifetime of heartache and abuse by simply leaving their biological father. Interesting ending to this...my abusive ex has a girlfriend. I decided to unblock her on Facebook because she needs to know that she can still get out, so I leave most of my DV posts at a public setting as a hopeful encouragement for her.  I am not the first woman my ex had abused, and I can guarantee that I wasn't the last. Anyway, I saw her photos on Facebook...and my heart sank. I saw myself in her (even though we look nothing alike); I saw the 3 symptoms. Mainly, I saw an empty soul in her pictures and it made me so compassionate for her, and feel SO entirely helpless all at the same time. I hate that there's nothing I can do to help her. She is stuck with him until she leaves, because as long as she allows him to suck every ounce of life from her, he's never going to let her go. He is perfectly content with making her life hell.  Anyway, as much as she wants to believe I am jealous or hateful, or psycho (or whatever lovely lies him and his family spread); I honestly just feel sad for her and extemely disappointed that there is absolutely nothing I can do to help her.  Even if I were to send her the conversations I have had with another of his "psycho ex girlfriends" (as he likes to put it...because we're all just crazy), she wouldn't leave with just that. Proof of verbal, psychological, and physical abuse from two exes. In fact, Allan is probably SO in her head at this point that she would allow herself to twist the situation around and DEFEND HIM. That's what I used to do...well, the robot version of me. She's probably like me: deep down inside she knows we're right but is so stuck in his fucking mind games that it seems easier to just stay put. Still, the little voice of freedom cries out.........
Anyway, I am hoping that somehow something happens because I'm honestly torn right now. This is a terrible spot to be in. If I do something, I could be helping her while also putting myself in danger. If I don't do something and he ends up seriously hurting her or even killing her (just based on what I have experienced...I can only imagine it keeps getting worse with each girlfriend; that's the trend so far), I would feel so responsible. I mean I know there's ultimately nothing I can do to help her get out, but I know for myself it was the stories of the survivors and victims of DV that helped me. I'm between a rock and a hard place. I wish I would have heard from his ex a long time ago...but then again, would I have had more courage to leave? I honestly don't know who I was back then. It's the question of the night friends. Time is precious. Signing off....goodnight and good luck. 💜💜💜 Linds